Baptism

Of all the warm summer days they could've chosen, they chose the coldest of them all. The coldest, and the day most likely to rain.

Everyone forgot that I was to be baptised. or rather, no one told anyone else that I was to be baptised. So...well, main point is, I ended up crying. Grr... I did not ask for it.

Why did I cry? No idea. Maybe coz of the frustration that such an important occasion was so rushed, so...forgotten... Maybe coz of nervousness too. Maybe coz of joy? Maybe...well, maybe to get attention, coz I definitely got that. Harriet prayed for me and shooed me into her office to write the lil' speech thingy, and lent me her towel. Becky talked to Phil... lottie prayed. Jasmine was summoned in from the lawns.

She helped me with writing my lil' speech thingy. It was very short, and to those who do not know me, very insignificant. I don't really remember the words but it meant sth along the lines of Thank you very very much Lord for pouring out so much love, and for this chance to manifest a portion of it.

We went to Port Meadow.

We saw the meadow. The huge, boundless, natural meadow.

Then, we saw a small group huddled around a small patch of clearing beside the river. Someone was handing out programme booklets (without my name), and trash bags. I was pushed to the front row. Two other baptis-ees were late.

We sang a bit. Heard a short sermon. Sang some more. And shared our stories.

I looked at my batch of newborns. I admit that I didn't like many them very much, especially after listening to their stories. But, still, I couldn't help thinking how many will actually make it. How many will drown, how many will struggle to stay afloat, how many will walk on water. If it is all the will of God, how do we fail without blaming Him? But, no matter, trivial, really.

We took turns to be dunked into the river. Dunking: two strong men (ahem, phil jack and vaughan roberts) holding your arms and shoulders, pulling you back first into the water. Underwater. Note: do not, do not inhale. and back again.

Right after that, the migraine I had intensified fivefold. Jasmine hurried me back and I took a shower. Then, i slept. I slept for so long. The headache persisted for a day or two.

I would like to think...that after that horrible headache, everything shone, sounds were crystals and sunlight was like rain. They might have been. I fell back into the nightmarish, soppy sadness I had. For two weeks, everything continued to fall apart. Then, everything rebuilt itself around me. I might have been prepared before this, but after this, I was readier than I've ever felt. Ready. What do you call a growth that was both a sudden leap and a continuous stroll? Maybe it was more a sudden increase in capacity, but the actual learning itself hasn't taken place? oh well..that was that.