I made chicken porridge today, seemed alright. Gave some to Marcus..ahem..I mean Arachnodactyl.

It didn't feel very good, when something as serious as a major decision in my life was taken as a joke. Was I being too analytical though? I was probably not firm enough to be analytical last time.

It rained all day today. Very cold outside. And I've looped the Með Suð í Eyrum Við Spilum Endalaust album by Sigur Ros at least twenty times today.

Artemisa said that there are two ways one can face a situation like mine:
the short burst of pain, hence the unstoppable tears for a week.
Or, the slow release of pain, hence a certain slowing down of life, the perpetual urge to go back to bed, tired, fatigued, spent.
I am the latter. I have missed French, Focus and punting this week. That crushing pain did not come. Instead, I want to sleep. People keep asking me if I'm alright. Maybe they'd be less concerned if I had burst into tears before them.

I will be baptised tomorrow. That was joked about as well. But yeah...it still feels too much like a ritual to me. Though unlike the rest, it is the one ritual that Jesus performed. Probably the only one. A public proclamation. Some things will have to change after tomorrow. A wedding to a marriage. Things change and don't change. Things become more serious. I am baptised. I really belong to god now. Though I have always belonged to him. One might think it's trivial. But i suppose it is time for me to tell the world that I am in love with the one true god who has been hoping for this day since the first spark of the big bang. To tell everyone and be joyful.

I don't know. Why does it matter? But it surely seems to matter a lot. To marry or not to marry. To officially go out or not to officially go out. To be baptised or not to be baptised. Clear categorizations. To fall into clear roles within a relationship. I suppose after my baptism, I should take my responsibilities as a servant and child more seriously. Therein lies the problem. What ARE my responsibilities? Sighs..yea yea I know them vaguely. Sighs again..I hope the freezing cold water of the river tomorrow will help. Weather Forecast: Heavy showers. I have assigned Jasmine to take videos/pictures, and to be ready with a big white fluffy towel.