Week -2

I think I've just had one of the happiest weeks of my life.
I might be exaggerating....and I have an actively forgetful memory.
Seems so anyway.
Admittedly, there were a few *cough* hiccups, here and there. But on the whole, it was kinda surreal. Well, maybe not surreal. Just..very nice. Very pleasant. Very wholesome. Like the pies we had in pie minister...complete with gravy, mashed potatoes and mushy peas.
ha....it's only now when I start to plan for myself that I realise how little planning I actually did in the past week.
and I am so anime. grins... yeah maybe I am.
I'll try out the tomyam recipe when term starts. hope it doesn't go bust. urgh..too many ingredients invovled. can't afford it to fail, really.
Ah well. So the term begins.
For me, anyway...

Disbelief

I am now moving forward in a mixture of fear and happiness.
Fear, because I am not sure how skilled I am to keep this budding flower from withering in the sun. Happiness, because I have found something surreal. But for now, I am overwhelmed with fear. I am afraid that I cannot keep this intact. I am afraid that I will ruin it with clumsy hands. Afraid that by some careless mistake, everything falls to pieces. But it is this fear that will be the true cause of destruction. I cannot be afraid, but I cannot remove irrational fears with rationality. I can only egg myself on. Clinging on to the one belief, that I am not alone in this. If I make a mistake, I will not be the only one to shoulder the consequences. There is another who will willingly forgive and remain. All my whims, no matter how troublesome or hurtful, will not be met with a cold shoulder. Only one that accepts and guides gently. I am surprised at how fast I have left the old and moved on with the new. I am surprised by what I have found here. Perhaps I am still in disbelief. It seems that I have found someone who actually wants to go the direction that I'm heading. But I cannot shake off this feeling of inadequacy. Doesn't seem as though I'll need to do anything. At least, nothing that I've done before. I do not need to be so eager to please. I only need to be myself. And I'd be loved for it.

I think I'm in shock.