Breakdown

I had a sorta emotional/mental breakdown on Saturday. Met Xj in Coffee Bean at two. Planned to do some Math and KI. Well, the place was kinda noisy. some weird fortune teller showing off outside, blasting through the mic. We were squashed in a corner with one puny table. Thank goodness the guy on the left left so we had two tables after a while. Coffee Bean itself was noisy, hustling bustling, people talking. And I was already in a very delicate mood. I couldn't control my mind. Emotions and thoughts undifferentiated were just racing through. Round and round. I couldn't settle them down. Couldn't reign them in. I became angry probably coz I was lost, lost in my own mind, my own backyard. I'd encounter this frenzy of nothing and everything, then my mind would stare at something and perform a highly predictable task like counting the number of lines. It was like my mind felt panic and needed to be reassured. I didn't do anything; I was just watcing it freak out and calm down by itslef. I really didn't know what the heck was happening. I feel as if my mind is slipping away from me. I never was good at this focus thing, but this time it's way way more than losing focus. I'm losing the mind. I feel senile. I just hope I can set everything together again. I'm beginning to feel the frustration well up again.Maybe I should lie down on the floor a while. Bring down the temperature. What path have I taken that brings me such horror? I feel like gooey mud water.