Distress

I wonder I wonder I wonder... I really really wonder if I'm making the right choice. Yeah, but heck it's not the time to think about it. The competition is great. It'll be fun trying for it. Maybe..If I'm not in this withdrawn mood. Like I wanna ignore everything. Maybe maybe maybe maybe I'll just try for everything. Seriously, what else can I do but to let fate take me where it wants me to go. I don't wanna control it anymore. It really isn't within my capabilities to do so. Maybe if I did not decide to take over, they wouldn't force me into this dark little corner. The world seems so bleak from this angle. Maybe everything will NOT go as planned and I get to stay with nir. Maybe everything will go as I hoped they will turn out. Maybe. I have been surprised many times. For the better. I hope all will be well. The world envisioned by them for me is not the world I want. Don't tell me I don't know what I want either. I"LL KNOW IT WHEN I SEE IT!! Damn it!