Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Updates 2010

Let's just say that I've been wandering in wilderness and leave it at that.

I have also completely forgotten when and what I wrote in the last blog entry, and yes, I'm too lazy to check.

Borrowed a book called Born Digital today from the insanely obscure/geeky Oxford Internet Institute. Hopefully I got the right book. And yes, I am yet again too lazy to trawl through nine hours of Economist audio recordings to double check that I've gotten the right book. It's the right topic anyhow.

Updates. Updates. Updates.
I've been cooking in church for the last two terms. really fun. I mean, cooking for 80 is NO MEAN FEAT! the pots're HUGE. they have one special wooden spoon that's long enough for the big pot. picture macbeth. hear bubbling. but do not picture green oozing liquid. picture instead lumps of raw meat. enough to feed eighty. urgh... imagine feeding five thousand people and actually having to cook it!

The mist has cleared. Everything's geared towards clinical psychology now. but....no luck so far with getting work experience. sighs...BUT lotsa luck with the volunteer orgs. Gonna go bowling with pple from Headway(google it) on Friday. oh well. And there's another one called Tandem. They seem interesting. Dunno whether I should volunteer in the JR as well...maybe warneford will be better. And this is where the internet fails big time. obmh.nhs.uk is permanently inaccessible. urgh. The ONE website i absolutely need.

what else.

Oh Part I exams at the start of next term. That's the first part of my degree and the first public examination that actually counts. 5 papers in total i think. Tons and tons of reading.....
For Part II next term (i'm technically a 3rd yr next term), I'll be doing Mood and Anxiety Disorders, and Conscious Awareness. And a research project. And 24 hrs of practical. And, of course, my beloved Physiology.

I got an iPod nano! finally. an iPod that's mine. admittedly, it's a 2nd Gen. But hey I think the design's much better than 3rd Gen and who needs video on a 2 inch screen anyway.

I'm also reading a book on Dream Theater called Lifting Shadows.It's Marcus' xmas present from me to him. And I'm reading faster than him. So the pink post-it is ahead!

I don't even know why I'm in such a bleak mood right now. Maybe it's the pile of paper on my table. I seriously need to sort them out.

I also had a magical moment. One evening. Just before the sun set. I was just sitting there, and I thought: I've finally finished growing up. Like. I feel complete, for once. Whole. I might have these horrible mood swings and intolerable grumpiness but it's all fine. I'm fine. I can deal with it. I know how to. That's not to say I've stopped growing or whatnot. It's like I'm finally ready to move on. The sunset helped.

I've read somewhere that maybe the torturous teen years are caused by an ill-defined boundary into adulthood. This sense of closure, beginning and readiness. To know that we are ready for adulthood, with all its responsibilities, that it's difficult but that it's fine because everyone else knows it too. Right now, teens are just chucked somewhere in between. No transition. Nothing clear cut. Then somewhere along the lines they'll settle down. The problem with that is the uncertainty. Like what the heck are we supposed to do meanwhile?? Increasingly I think that humans are made to perceive things categorically. It's an obvious thought but hey somehow we still think it's OK to leave important things ambiguous. Like whether someone likes someone or not. IF ONLY we had a system where the guy can just, i dunno, give the girl a flower or sth. I mean. puh-lease.... the uncertainty can drive a person mad! and I've only experienced it for two weeks. Even then it was with more certainty than most. And a huge distractor.

Oh well. turns to pile of paper. OHO. I see the tell-tale diagrams of the hippocampus. Means it's behavioural neuroscience. The hippocampus' like...the CPU, while the rest of the cortex is like the larger hard drives.

CYC signing off!

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